Up in Smoke is a 90-minute contact high—just don’t ask what happened after the first toke. Though it does prove two things: vans should be made of weed, and cops should never chase guys who are too stoned to care.

Up in Smoke is a Hazy, Crazy Ride Through Stoner Paradise – Man, oh man, where do I even start with Up in Smoke? It’s like, the ultimate trip, man—both literally and figuratively. This movie isn’t just a film, it’s a lifestyle, a cosmic journey through the wild, weed-fueled minds of Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong. And let me tell ya, if you ain’t seen it yet, you’re missing out on one of the greatest cinematic experiences since, like, the invention of the bong.

First off, the plot

Or what passes for one in this smoky dream scape—is simple, man. You got Cheech as Pedro de Pacas, this streetwise Chicano cat with a heart of gold and a pocket full of primo, and Chong as Anthony Stoner, the ultimate laid-back, spaced-out hippie. These two dudes meet by fate (or maybe just because they were both looking for a score), and next thing you know, they’re cruising through L.A. in a van made out of weed, man. The cops are chasing ‘em, but they’re too high to notice, and honestly, that’s the whole vibe of the movie.

The humor? Oh, it’s dumb. Gloriously, stupidly dumb. But that’s the beauty of it, man. This ain’t some highbrow comedy where you gotta think too hard. Cheech and Chong have been advocating for the legalization of all things pot related since even before this film. Having achieved glorious success, this film is a historical anthem to their efforts. Their dreams didn’t go “up in smoke”, or get lost to history.  Nor were they burnt to the ground into a tragic pile of ashes. They have left a legacy.

So leave your lighter. Grab your pot laced munchies and spend some time with the comical genius of the legends who helped you have the freedom to get high. The soundtrack is like a time capsule of ‘70s stoner rock, with Chong’s band (because of course he’s in a band) dropping tunes so smooth, you’ll go up in smoke with him, riding the hazy cloud.. The whole movie feels like a concert where the audience got too baked to leave, so they just stuck around and filmed whatever happened next.

Later, dudes and watch the Toxic Avenger

The post Up in Smoke appeared first on Classic TV and Movies.

Plan 9 from Outer Space has Aliens, Zombies, and Ed Wood’s Crippling Lack of Talent —The Only Thing Harder Than the Acting is Trying to Explain This Movie to Your Therapist!

Ladies, gentlemen, and horny extraterrestrials lurking in the back row of the drive-in—gather ‘round, because we’re about to dissect *Plan 9 from Outer Space*, the celluloid equivalent of a bow-legged hooker trying to tap-dance in quicksand. Directed by the infamous Ed Wood (who apparently filmed this while huffing model airplane glue), this 1959 “masterpiece” is so gloriously inept that it makes *Deep Throat* look like *Citizen Kane* by comparison.

The Plot (Or Lack Thereof)

Aliens—dressed like rejected Vegas lounge acts—decide to conquer Earth by resurrecting the dead as stiff, disjointed zombies. (Think a chiropractors’ nightmare or the delivery man who moves like he’s got a broomstick lodged up his backside). Their grand scheme? “Plan 9”—which, spoiler alert, is about as threatening as a vibrator with dead batteries. Our hero, a square-jawed pilot (who delivers lines like he’s reading ingredients), teams up with a cop so wooden he could’ve been carved by a Boy Scout. Brought together to combat… bad acting, mostly.

The “Special” Effects

The flying saucers are literal hubcaps dangling from visible strings. The “space” is a black sheet with glitter thrown at it by a deranged kindergarten class. And the zombies?  Bela Lugosi—God rest his soul—shot three minutes of footage before croaking, so Ed Wood just slapped a stand-in with a cape over his face and hoped nobody’d notice. Spoiler: You notice.

Why You Should Watch It (With Booze and a Willing Partner)

Here’s the thing, degenerates— Plan 9 isn’t a movie. It’s an experience. Like losing your virginity in a haunted house, it’s awkward, confusing, and over way too fast.  The sheer audacity of its incompetence is erotic in its own way. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll question humanity’s worth… and then you’ll get laid, because nothing turns a woman on like saying, “Hey baby, wanna see the worst movie ever made?”

Final Verdict: 0 Stars, 100% Boner-Inducing Chaos
If Plan 9 from outer space were a porno, it’d be the one where the plumber forgets his tools but somehow still “fixes the pipes.” It’s terrible. It’s magnificent. It’s the cinematic equivalent of catching your parents doing the nasty—you wanna look away, but you’re transfixed like a deer caught in the headlights, you brain in its panic, stopped working the controls.

So go watch it with a bottle of Jack or a joint, and someone who’ll ride you like the aliens should’ve ridden those hubcap UFOs.

Sincerely

B.S. Cinephile (The Unapologetic Masochist)

—
PS. For a real double feature, pair this with *Flesh Gordon* and a case of Schlitz. Or, a you can watch Brooke Sheilds pay an underage hooker while snorting kitty litter -You’re welcome.

The post Plan 9 from Outer Space appeared first on Classic TV and Movies.

RoboCop !   Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and anyone who’s ever wondered, ” What if Dirty Harry was rebuilt by RadioShack?”

Set in a Detroit’s Dystopian future, where crime is so bad the criminals are looking for safe spaces.  Enter Omni Consumer Products (OCP), a corporation so evil they make Walmart look like a lemonade stand run by nuns. These guys have a plan: privatize the police force and replace them with RoboCop s. Because nothing says “justice” like a walking vending machine with a badge.

But wait! Before you get your ED-209 (that’s the corporate killer robot that looks like a Decepticon on stilts), there’s a human element; the RoboCop. Enter Officer Alex Murphy, who’s so wholesome he probably tucks his gun into bed at night. Murphy gets ambushed by a gang of psychopaths led by Clarence Boddicker. They blow Murphy up to the point where he’s more Swiss cheese than human.

OCP takes what’s left of Murphy—basically a spleen and a good attitude—and turn him into RoboCop, the ultimate law enforcement machine. He’s part man, part machine, and all cop. He’s like the love child of a Ford Pinto and a Terminator, with a voice that sounds like he’s been chain-smoking since the John F. Kennedy assassination.

RoboCop has got everything: satire, action, and more blood than a ketchup factory explosion. It’s like *Blade Runner* and *Die Hard* were surrogate donors for a baby raised by *Mad Max*. The violence is so over-the-top it’s almost cartoonish. People get shot, exploded, and melted in toxic waste. Begging the question, *Is this a movie or a PSA for gun control?*

The movie also takes some sharp jabs at corporate greed, media sensationalism, and the militarization of the police. Clarence Boddicker is the kind of villian who kicks puppies for fun and then bills you for it. And Dick Jones, the corporate sleazebag, is so slimy he probably sweats anal-ese. You love to hate them, and you cheer when RoboCop finally takes them down in the most spectacularly violent ways possible.

RoboCop isn’t just a shoot-’em-up.  Underneath all that chrome and circuitry, Murphy is still in there, trying to remember who he was. He’s like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz, except he’s got a gun that pops out of his leg. It’s the kind of movie that makes you gasp, and maybe even shed a tear—though that might just be from the sheer amount of shrapnel flying at the screen.

See the video Alien

The post Robocop 1987 appeared first on Classic TV and Movies.

Dragonslayer emerged as a breath of smoky, fire-breathing air in a year which was filled with space operas and high-octane action flicks.

This dark fantasy epic from 1981 stunned audiences with its groundbreaking special effects, and medieval grit. Dragonslayer is a refreshingly original take on a timeless tale of heroism. A film that dares to ask: what if the dragon wasn’t just a monster, but a force of nature?

The main attraction: Vermithrax Pejorative, a classic antagonist with more than an impressive moniker. Created by Industrial Light & Magic (who gave us *Star Wars*), this dragon is a masterpiece of practical effects. Vermithrax is a creature of both beauty and terror, from its leathery wings to its glowing eyes. The beast has terrorized the land for decades, demanding virgin sacrifices to sate its hunger.

Set in the mythical kingdom with a corrupt King, the story follows young Galen (Peter MacNicol), an apprentice sorcerer. He has the task of Dragonslayer thrust upon him when his Master dies.   The inexperienced apprentice must rise to the occasion, armed with little more than a magical amulet and a lot of determination. He teams up with Valerian (Caitlin Clarke), a brave and resourceful young woman who challenges the era’s gender norms, and Tyrian (John Hallam), a skeptical knight.

What sets Dragonslayer apart from other fantasy films of its time is its commitment to realism—yes, even in a world with dragons. The film’s medieval setting feels authentic, from the muddy villages to the crumbling castles. The characters are flawed and human, and the stakes are palpable. Galen isn’t your typical swashbuckling hero; he’s awkward, unsure, and often out of his depth. This makes his journey all the more compelling, as we watch him grow into the role of a true dragonslayer.

The film’s climactic battle between Galen and the dragon is a visual feast, blending stop-motion animation, puppetry, and live-action footage in a way that feels seamless and utterly immersive. It’s no wonder Dragonslayer was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Visual Effects—it’s a technical marvel that pushes the boundaries of what’s possible on screen.  At its core, Dragonslayer is a story about courage, sacrifice, and the struggle against tyranny—both human and monstrous.

Watch The Lord of the Rings

The post Dragonslayer appeared first on Classic TV and Movies.

Blazing Saddles, is a bold, irreverent, and uproarious take on the Western genre, racism, and Hollywood itself and the least pc film you might ever find.

If you are sick of having Hollywood dictate what you can see or laugh at, you will love this timeless classic.  But if you get easily offended, this film will trigger you. Because Blazing Saddles has razor-sharp wit, and boundary-pushing humor.

From its anachronistic gags (like a jazz band performing in the Old West) to its meta-humor (the finale spills onto a Hollywood soundstage), the movie constantly surprises and delights. Blazing Saddles is a film that refuses to play by the rules. Brooks’ direction is fearless, using absurdity and exaggeration to expose the absurdity of racism and bigotry.

What makes this movie truly remarkable is its ability to tackle serious issues like racism and prejudice while maintaining a lighthearted, comedic tone. The film doesn’t shy away from using racial slurs or depicting the ignorance of its characters, but it does so with a purpose: to highlight the absurdity of racism and challenge the audience to confront their own biases. Brooks’ approach is both subversive and inclusive, using humor as a tool to unite rather than divide.

Each character adds to the film’s chaotic energy, creating a comedic ensemble that is as unforgettable as it is outrageous. While Blazing Saddles is undeniably a product of its time, its themes and humor remain relevant today. The film’s critique of systemic racism, political corruption, and Hollywood’s tendency to sanitize history feels just as potent now as it did in the 1970s.

A comedic tour de force that defies convention, Blazing Saddles challenges us to laugh at the absurdities of life. Its blend of slapstick, satire, and social commentary makes it a film that is as thought-provoking as it is hilarious. Whether you’re a fan of Westerns, comedy, or just great storytelling, Blazing Saddles is a must-watch—a film that proves laughter can be a powerful weapon against ignorance and prejudice.

See Pretty Baby

The post Blazing Saddles appeared first on Classic TV and Movies.

Subspecies 4 Bloodstorm, was the last 90s instalment in the *Subspecies* series, of direct-to-video horror. Director Ted Nicolaou, once again brings together Anders Hove and Denise Duff to conclude their roles as vampire master Radu Vladislas and unwilling fledgling Michelle Morgan. While the film adheres to the low-budget aesthetic of its predecessors, it remains a compelling entry in the vampire genre, offering a mix of gothic atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and the eternal struggle between good and evil.

The story of *Subspecies 4* picks up where *Subspecies 3* left off, with Michelle Morgan grappling with her transformation into a vampire. Unlike the traditional portrayal of vampires as embracing their dark powers, Michelle is consumed by guilt and desperation, seeking a way to reverse her condition and reclaim her humanity. Denice Duff, as Michelle, delivers a nuanced performance, conveying the character’s inner turmoil and determination.  Michelle’s journey becomes one of redemption and self-discovery.

Her struggle is juxtaposed against the return of Radu, who, despite being seemingly destroyed in the previous installment, resurfaces to continue his reign of terror. Anders Hove’s portrayal of Radu remains  both menacing and theatrical. He captures the essence of a centuries-old vampire consumed by his own malevolence.  Radu’s relentless pursuit of Michelle and his obsession with power and domination underscore the film’s central theme: the corrupting influence of immortality and the moral decay that accompanies it.

While *Subspecies 4: Bloodstorm* may not have achieved critical acclaim, it has earned a dedicated following among fans of vampire horror. Its commitment to the genre, combined with its gothic aesthetic and character-driven story, sets it apart from more formulaic entries in the genre. The film’s exploration of themes such as redemption, the cost of immortality, and the battle for one’s soul adds depth to its otherwise straightforward plot. Anyone who enjoyed the original Subspecies just can’t afford to miss this installment. A satisfying resolution to the ongoing saga of Radu and Michelle, as their conflict symbolizes the broader struggle between darkness and light. For fans of gothic horror and vampire lore, the film remains a testament to the enduring appeal of low-budget, character-driven storytelling in the horror genre.

The post Subspecies 4 appeared first on Classic TV and Movies.

Pretty Baby is a film by Louis Malle and is a provocative and controversial piece of cinema that continues to spark debate decades after its release. Starring a young Brooke Shields in her breakout role, the film is set in 1917 New Orleans and tells the story of Violet, a 12-year-old girl growing up in a brothel. While the film is visually stunning and thematically rich, its subject matter—centering on the sexualization of a child—has made it a lightning rod for criticism and analysis.

Pretty Baby is a coming-of-age story, based on real events taken from the memoirs of photographer E.J Bellocq. Set in an unconventional and morally fraught environment, the content of this film is disturbing. Probably because over one hundred years later, this sort of existence persists for some. Many are even disturbed by their own speculation that Brooke Shields was similarly exploited by her very involvement in this film.  Brooke Shields’ performance as Violet is both captivating and unsettling. At just 12 years old, Shields brought a haunting maturity to the role, embodying Violet’s innocence and precociousness in equal measure.

Violet’s world is the Storyville brothel, a place where vice and survival intersect. Her mother, Hattie (played by Susan Sarandon), is a prostitute, and Violet is raised amidst the chaos and camaraderie of the women who work there. The film does not shy away from depicting the harsh realities of their lives, but it also captures moments of tenderness and resilience. Malle’s direction and the cinematography by Sven Nykvist create a lush, almost dreamlike atmosphere that contrasts sharply with the grim subject matter.

One of the most striking aspects of *Pretty Baby* is its refusal to pass judgment on its characters. The women in the brothel are portrayed with empathy and nuance, their lives shaped by circumstance rather than moral failing. Hattie, in particular, is a deeply sympathetic figure, torn between her love for Violet and her desire for a better life. Sarandon’s performance is raw and compelling, adding depth to a character who could easily have been reduced to a stereotype.

Despite its artistic merits, * Pretty Baby * remains a deeply controversial film. Critics have accused it of glamorizing child exploitation and failing to adequately address the ethical implications of its subject matter. The film’s depiction of Violet’s sexualization is undeniably troubling, and it raises important questions about the responsibilities of filmmakers when dealing with sensitive topics. While Malle’s intention may have been to critique the exploitation of young girls, the line between critique and complicity is often blurred.

What seems to bother viewers the most is not the exploitation so much as the normalization of the sexual behavior. For Violet losing her virginity isn’t the act of a horny adolescent playing grown up with her boyfriend. But rather it’s a leap from innocence to full adulthood, without a proper childhood or choices.  Pretty Baby is a film that defies easy categorization. It is at once a visually stunning period piece, a poignant character study, and a deeply unsettling exploration of morality. Brooke Shields’ performance is undeniably powerful, but it also serves as a reminder of the ethical complexities inherent in telling such a story.

Young Lady Chatterley

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The post Pretty Baby appeared first on Classic TV and Movies.

The Black Stallion is a captivating adventure that tells the extraordinary story of a young boy and a wild horse. Based on a novel by Walter Farley, the 1979 movie explores themes of friendship, survival, and the unbreakable bond between a boy and an animal. The Black Stallion is a stunningly visual cinematic masterpiece. The film, set in the 1940s has endured as one of the most touching of its time, largely due to its mesmerizing portrayal of the relationship between the eponymous stallion and the boy Alec Ramsay.

The story begins on a ship, where we first see the Beautiful Black Stallion fighting against his restraints. There is a storm, and a young boy Alec Ramsay (Kelly Reno), mesmerized by the animal’s power, goes to free the animal from it’s prison on the sinking ship. They wash up on a deserted island after the shipwreck. The Black Stallion is magnificent, a wild untamed spirit with a sleek black coat; a symbol of both freedom and power.

One of the most powerful aspects of The Black Stallion is the way it emphasizes the importance of perseverance and survival. Alec and the stallion form a bond of mutual respect, relying on each other to overcome the difficulties of their isolated situation. The emotional resonance of their relationship is brought to life through the vast and barren landscape of the island as well as the intense moments of struggle and triumph between them.

When Alec and The Black Stallion are rescued, it becomes obvious that the boy and horse share a special bond. However, Alec’s home life isn’t exactly set up to accommodate the Stallion. Finally a suitable stable is found for the horse and retired jockey Henry Dailey (Mickey Rooney) decides to teach Alec how to race with his horse. Alec, now determined to prove The Black Stallion‘s abilities, enters the horse into a race, where the young boy and the wild stallion face their ultimate test.

The scenes leading up to the race are filled with tension and anticipation. Alec’s relationship with The Black Stallion is tested in ways that force the boy to mature and take responsibility for the horse’s fate. This journey from isolation to competition illustrates the universal themes of growth, courage, and the pursuit of dreams. The bond between Alec and The Black Stallion ultimately culminates in a thrilling race sequence, showcasing not only the horse’s natural abilities but also the trust that has developed between the boy and the animal. The race is a powerful metaphor for their shared journey, symbolizing the culmination of their bond and the triumph of perseverance. The film beautifully captures the power of silent communication and the strength that can be found in shared moments of hardship and joy.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

The post The Black Stallion appeared first on Classic TV and Movies.

French Postcards was released in 1979 and is a charming and introspective coming-of-age film that combines elements of romance, comedy, and drama. Directed by Michael Adams, the film explores the lives of a group of American college students who travel to Paris for a year abroad. With themes of self-discovery, love, and cultural exploration, French Postcards captures the spirit of youthful idealism while also portraying the complex realities of relationships.

The film’s narrative is structured around the relationships and personal journeys of its central characters. Among the main protagonists is an American student named Joel, who becomes infatuated with a French woman named Toni, played by the French actress Valérie Quennessen. (Summer Lovers) Toni represents both the allure of Parisian culture and the romantic ideal often sought by American tourists. At its core, French Postcards is an exploration of the tensions between expectation and reality. The American students have arrived in Paris with idealized notions of romance and adventure, but their experiences often challenge these illusions.

The film also contrasts the idealized image of Paris as a romantic city with the everyday reality of life in the French capital. While the characters are surrounded by the beauty of Parisian streets, cafes, and landmarks, they quickly realize that the city itself is not the answer to their personal dilemmas. Rather, the city becomes a backdrop for their internal struggles. The film’s tone balances light-hearted humor with moments of introspection, offering a nuanced look at the way people, particularly young people, confront their desires, fears, and aspirations.

The film’s performances are another strength, with a solid cast bringing the characters’ emotional journeys to life. Among the standout performances is Valérie Quennessen, whose portrayal of Toni brings a sense of mystery and warmth to the character. She is both an object of romantic desire and a complex individual in her own right. Although her role is central to one of the key romantic story-lines, the true heart of the film lies in the broader experiences of the group of students. Through their interactions with each other and with the city of Paris, the film explores how youth, love, and identity are intertwined, and how personal growth often occurs in unexpected ways.

While French Postcards is ultimately a film about youth and romance, it also touches on the universal themes of self-discovery and the quest for meaning. It shows how travel can open up new possibilities for growth, but also how it can highlight the uncertainties that come with trying to understand oneself and one’s place in the world. The film’s exploration of cultural differences and personal evolution remains relevant today, offering a timeless reflection on the challenges and rewards of coming-of-age experiences.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The post French Postcards appeared first on Classic TV and Movies.

Subspecies 3: The Bloodlust is a 1994 direct-to-video vampire horror film directed by Ted Nicolaou. It is the third installment in the *Subspecies* series, following *Subspecies* (1991) and *Subspecies 2: Bloodstone* (1993). Like its predecessors, *The Bloodlust* offers a unique blend of Gothic atmosphere, creature horror, and the exploration of complex, often tragic relationships. Blood represents both the physical sustenance of the vampire and the metaphorical ties that bind characters together. For Radu Vladislaus, a tormented vampire prince, blood is the source of his power, but it also symbolizes the emotional and moral costs of his existence. His desire to find peace is inextricably linked to his need for blood, and this duality makes his journey one of tragic futility.

What makes Subspecies 3:The Bloodlust* stand out in the trilogy is its exploration of Radu’s relationship with his humanity. He is both a victim of his own curse and a villain who inflicts suffering on others.  Unlike many traditional vampire movies, where the vampire’s actions are driven purely by lust for blood and power, *Subspecies 3* explores the psychological weight of immortality. Radu’s self-loathing and desperation for redemption gives the character a layer of complexity not often seen in vampire cinema.

Radu’s struggle with his identity as a vampire is mirrored in his interactions with others. As Michelle goes from being a mere victim to his protege, Radu’s internal conflict grows. He struggles between his predatory instincts and his desire to protect her. The tension between love, lust, and the need for blood is explored in deeply emotional terms, making the film much more than just a typical horror tale.

One of the defining features of *Subspecies 3: The Bloodlust* is its strong visual style, which continues the trend set by its predecessors. This was shot on location in Romania in conjunction with Subspecies 2, so the transition from one film to the next is seamless Ted Nicolaou remains as director, and maintains a sense of Gothic elegance while embracing a more lurid and visceral aesthetic. The film benefits from the haunting landscapes, ancient castles, and fog-shrouded forests that serve as the backdrop to Radu’s tragic existence. The vampire transformations, which have always been a highlight of the series, are particularly striking in this film.

At its core, *Subspecies 3: The Bloodlust* is a film about love, sacrifice, and the consequences of immortality. Radu’s search for redemption, particularly through his interactions with Michelle, introduces a layer of romantic tragedy to the film. His desire to protect Michelle from becoming like him is both noble and self-destructive, as it ultimately leads to his undoing. In the end, Radu’s love for Michelle becomes both his strength and his greatest weakness, as it pulls him deeper into his own personal hell.

The post Subspecies 3 appeared first on Classic TV and Movies.